To Give Up, Slow Down or Push Through the Pain?
Easy are not the words that come to mind when my husband I think about the project or even described when talking about embarking on this adventure. “It’s going to be hard work,” my husband said to me often. When I first signed up for the project I really had no idea. “It’s not going to be that bad,” and “I can handle it” were more like the words that were going through my head. I don’t even think he realized how hard it was going to be. We both have had our doubts about this journey but a phone call last week from an overwhelmed husband calling a “must-have” meeting that night regarding the project left us with the question to give up, slow down or just push through the pain.
I have to admit, my doubts on the project have been stronger than my husband’s. Remember, this was his dream. My dreams involved becoming a nurse practitioner and going on medical mission trips. I wanted to make sure that I was doing this because it was something I wanted and not just doing it to follow Jeff or because I was scared to go back into nursing. I have now been away from the patient bedside and 12-hour shifts for almost 3 years. The way I left my last job as a nurse wasn’t exactly easy either. I had made a medication error involving a challenging patient. I had also made previous errors in my 5 years of growing and learning as a nurse. This led to my nurse manager forcing me to give my resignation. I was blessed that I wasn’t fired which allowed for an easier re-entry into another job. However, I wasn’t sure that was the right thing to do. I looked into applying for nursing jobs but it just didn’t feel right. Now I know, God had other plans for me.
There are parts of nursing that I miss…the caring aspects and being an independent working woman making my own money. I loved caring for people and comforting them during challenging times in their life. However, God has shown me that I can care for others through my other passion, cooking. God has removed my desire to go back into nursing and given me a new passion. Now don’t get me wrong…sometimes I wanna run right back into the help wanted ads for nurses when things get hard here, but deep down I know that isn’t the right thing to do. And it definitely would be the wrong motive to go back into nursing to just have my own paycheck again.
Cooking for others, growing the food we cook with, and one day being able to help those in need are my new hopes and dreams! A food blog and catering fall in there too. It’s amazing how God can change our hearts. “Reversal of destiny” Beth Moore would say. I would have never thought when I was a young girl going through nursing school that I would be living on ranch taking care of animals (including releasing mice from traps-yuck!!), have a huge greenhouse, and wanting to cook for a living…but God knew;). He has had his hand on me throughout my life. Even last week I was driving on I-84 during a lightning storm with heavy rain, driving too fast wanting to get home and out of the storm, and before I knew it was I hydroplaning. It was like driving on a sheet of ice. I kid you not it was like God had puppet strings on my car as it was swerving in both lanes on the East-bound freeway, leading me to safety and the straight and narrow. As He’s done all along! He’s obviously not done with me yet! You either brother and sisters!
So when Mr. Martian asked me the question the night of our meeting, “Is this really something you want to do”. The answer was, “YES!” How can we say no to something God has put on our hearts? No matter how hard it gets it would feel wrong to give up or to even slow down. Mr. Martian and I have decided to commit our lives to this project. This means weekends full of projects instead of trips, less time with family and friends, more stress in life and in our marriage, less time relaxing and more time doing what God has called us to do! It’s definitely not going to be easy and we pray our family and friends will understand, as crazy as we may seem (we often compare our project to “Noah’s Ark”-everyone thought he was really crazy but ended up turning out pretty good for him and the world). We also trust and believe that God will be by our side guiding us and giving us the strength to get through those challenges. On the white board in the office on September 6th, 2016 I wrote “No Going Back” along with Philippians 1:6... “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” and Philippians 1:21-22… “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me”. Even though there have been doubts since then those words ring truer than ever! Heave-ho!!
“Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance” (Psalm 16:5-6).
“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of things” (Ecclesiastes 11:5).
Scripture for thought: Psalm 16:8-11; Psalm 18:32; James 1:2-3